karen-patricia.com

This is exactly what I meant to say

2011-10-23T04:16:00.000-07:00

Other people sometimes express better what I mean to say, so as a follow-up to last night's blog I give you a quote from Chuck Palahniuk's novel Diary. It's a kind of semi-surrealistic story where the main character is failed art student Misty Kleinman, and this conversation takes place between her and her boyfriend-to-be Peter Wilmot on their first date:

---
Peter gave her the blank canvas and said "Paint something".
And Misty said, "Nobody paint paints. Not anymore".
If anybody she knew still painted at all, they used their own blood or semen. And they painted on live dogs from the animal shelter, or on molded gelatin desserts, but never on canvas.
And Peter said, "I bet you still paint on canvas".
"Why?" Misty said. "Because I'm retarded? Because I won't know any better?"
And Peter said, "Just fucking paint."
They were supposed to be above representational art. Making pretty pictures. They were supposed to learn visual sarcasm. Misty said they were paying too much tuition not to practice the techniques of effective irony. She said a pretty picture wouldn't teach the world anything.
And Peter said, "We're not old enough to buy beer, what are we supposed to teach the world?" There on his back in their nest if weeds, one arm behind his head, Peter said, "All the effort in the world won't matter if you're not inspired."
---

"Be yourself, no matter what they say"

2011-10-22T13:16:00.000-07:00

This could have been said (and probably have, too) by many people but I had Sting's line from Englishman in New York in mind. It sounds so extremely simple and logical, so self-explanatory and sensible. To put the words into practice is another matter.

How do you keep the balance between getting inspired by other people's work without unconsciously trying to imitate aspects of their work? Is it really possible to take part in the art world by working entirely in your own little bubble, shutting out any outside "noise" that would affect your ideas or make you reconsider your project entirely? And if you do choose this path, is it valid to work up a confidence about what you're doing, or is it a sign of naivete? Should you take control of your work, or let your work control you; that is to say, go wherever your work decides to take you?

These and other questions have been crowding my head lately - my facebook friends may already have noticed that I don't exactly have the best of confidence in what I've been working with the past few months. A long period filled with lack of ideas and inspiration, paired with inexperience with a new medium, hopeless dabbling with other techniques and topped off with a diabetes diagnosis that drained me of energy for a lot of the summer, culminated in a sort of mini-breakdown this past week. I felt completely lost and like I had nothing to do in an art world where originality and provocative qualities are a must - just the fact that I slap paint on a vertically placed canvas is enough to make me reactionary according to some. So the question that comes to mind is: Is it better to keep doing what I'm doing with a conviction that after all I'm following my heart and then nothing can go wrong, or should I move onto something else, in the hope that I'll have better chances of "making it" if I give in to what the critics, curators and experts consider to be groundbreaking and important in art-making?

Just by the phrasing of the dilemma I'm giving myself away - I feel like I have no choice but to go for the first option, but still I would ideally opt for something in between the two. The problem is how to get from here to there.

Lately I've been working on a painting which started out as an experiment in blurriness and abstraction, but turned out to be more of a figurative study reminiscent of something I could have made years ago, and it upset me more than I expected. Had I worked so hard for years just to end up at the starting point? One could argue that yes, it is just one painting and it is just a part of a long, experimental process; results aren't as important as the ongoing journey...and so on. Of course I can see the point in such statements, but as I am approaching my 26th birthday and people who are younger than me are already graduating from the Academy, I begin to feel like my chances of any accomplishment in art is next to none. And it worries me beyond words.

That said, I will try to update my web site soon, but as I've transferred the site files to a new computer and I can't remember my FTP password, I can't promise anything as to when it will actually happen..I'm also considering re-building the site in another software which makes it more low-maintenance. However since I'm also studying for 3 exams (last one will be handed in Dec 16) it might take a while - at least you know what plans I have for the site..I haven't given up yet.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2011-04-13T10:48:00.001-07:00

Yes - It's almost time for exams again. In art history I have one April 27th (way too early as lectures started in February) and one May 2nd - I suppose that I, objectively speaking, have it under control, however there's one thing that's bothering me: Here the other day I was made aware of an art program on TV and I thought to myself - I can't stand to watch it. I'm sick of everything that has anything to do with art.

Ideally I should be drawn (pun not intended) to painting more and explore more visual opportunities, to counteract all the dry, complicated curriculum texts on semiotics, post-structuralism, psychoanalytic feminist theory and whatnot - but just looking at a paintbrush and seeing the paintings I've been working on for over a month already (getting nowhere), I feel a budding nausea.

A teacher once told me this kind of insecurity and hopelessness is extremely common and an "occupational hazard". However I don't think I've ever felt so completely drained of confidence in what I do, and I have no desire to leave painting or art practice behind to spend my days in an office writing essays that explore this-and-this as sign or simulacral readings.

So there you have my career crisis, if it can be called that because I don't have a career per se. I suppose I'm in need of some inspiration (and a lot of energy). So if anyone has any interesting art or art history related links to share, I'd appreciate it - comment or this post or on facebook :)

The Warhol effect

2011-02-12T02:51:00.000-08:00

I can't help my fascination with Andy Warhol. It started when I watched the PBS documentary about him a couple of years ago, which made me think of him as more than a very weird artist who went out of his way to draw attention to himself.

Of course he did also give that impression, but for me, studying Warhol has given unexpected positive consequences. Right now I'm in a kind of drought in terms of ideas and inspiration (That is to say, I have no idea what I'm doing or why). But looking at early Warhol works, from his commercial art years and the coke bottle pictures for instance, helps to remind me that a little playfulness and sense of freedom in sketching is a very good thing - I often tend to take myself too seriously and put pressure on myself to create nothing short of masterpieces and in general be very result oriented, but here the other night I sat down and just played with a bottle of all-purpose ink and cheap sketching paper.

Some of them are not even ideas as such but just plain splashing of ink, which may not look like much but felt amazing to do just because I wasn't thinking about what I was doing.

On the subject of Warhol I've also volunteered to write a summary of Benjamin Buchloh's article "Andy Warhol's One-Dimensional Art" to present in the modern art class next week. (As much as I admire Warhol, right now I don't understand why I did that - I'm terrible at speaking in front of people) It's not a huge task and there's not that much at stake really - no grades or direct evaluation, but my chief concern is if I have actually understood Mr Buchloh's arguments right (Good thoughts/prayers on Wednesday gratefully accepted).

On an off-topic note; in terms of web site updates, I'm planning on updating the site within a few days, however the photos are not the best quality and I will replace them with better ones later.

dilemma...

2011-01-20T23:55:00.001-08:00

A few months ago, like I mentioned in my last post, I started working with water soluble oil colours. I've now completed one painting with these new paints, almost finished with a second - and struggling with a third.

Apart from the smell these oil colours have the same properties of regular oil paints - easy to make smooth transitions between shades, a nice fluency, and it takes longer to dry; you can leave it for hours and continue to manipulate the colours without adding new paint.

However, the last few weeks I've wondered if the last point on the list is actually a good thing. The problem seems to be that the paint not only takes long to dry, it seems to not dry AT ALL. The painting I've finished was up on the wall to dry for weeks and when I took it down to wrap it in plastic and put it away, it was still not dry in places. The plastic glued itself to the painted surface like a magnet. It should be said that this particular painting is made up of half regular canvas surface and half textured (sand texture gel, plus modeling paste, both fine and coarse...) surface, and to get the oil paint to cover this grained surface completely I had to add unbelievable amounts of liquid paint medium. I suppose that could be the source of the problem.

On the other hand, should I refrain from using the liquid medium the paint still seems all but impossible to work with - dry, sticky and greasy at the same time, thick and unruly. So while in theory it's a good thing to experiment with new paints I feel slightly depressed and demotivated. One thing is to experiment - which I have always defined as a completely free, unafraid and enthusiastic approach to the work and not so much result oriented - but right now I feel like I'm just trying to do the same thing with oils as I did with acrylic and it's not working. I feel like I'm not doing anything productive or worthwhile at the moment, and at the same time the semester just started and I'm about to dive head first into a seething pool of heavy art theory.

Ultimately, I think I'm getting to a crisis of combining theory and practice - art theory/history teaches that there's a certain way to think about and practice art today (paradoxically they always seem to say that contemporary art history have several approaches and viewpoints, while on the other hand certain perspectives always seem dominant. Like the fact that aesthetic qualities are less important than relational and societal qualities, or in general a downplaying of the "aesthetic experience" which I find it hard to come to terms with), and when I see that I don't match that system in my so-called artistic practice, I get depressed.

So there you have it. I'm thinking of going back to acrylic paints for a while just to get some creativity and joy for the work back, at the same time I have some text ideas that might come into fruition.
Any advice will be appreciated.

New year's resolutions...

2011-01-12T00:56:00.000-08:00

I think I promise myself twice every year that I will be a more active blogger. Not that it helps - I'm either too busy with studies or feel like whatever is going on in my life (related to art or not) is not interesting enough. However this year I WILL make an effort to update this blog more often.

I'll start with a recap of what's been going on since last time I wrote (which I see is April. Oh dear..)

-I never finished the Caravaggio-copying-test project, however it was fun while it lasted.

-I took a class covering art from the baroque to the present and got a B, in addition to getting a B in psychology

-I was part of a 3 day exhibition at CC Vest shopping center (photo below), it was a disaster in one way and a personal victory in another.

-I've temporarily switched the acrylic paints for a new type of water soluble oil paint that doesn't smell like regular oil paint but has all the other positive qualities. I'm currently working on (or have soon finished) two paintings with this new paint, for process photos see this facebook album.

-I've signed up for two art history classes (theories and methods of art history, art from 1950-2000) as well as social/personality psychology, and lectures will start next week

And as always I'm just trying to figure out the balancing act between painting and academic studies.. unfortunately it seems that the theory based studying makes it increasingly difficult to concentrate on the theory behind painting. Like deciding what to do next, defining what I'm actually doing. As mentioned above, lectures haven't started yet but I have already bought all the books and started reading (one of the classes requires the students to read a whole book in addition to several essays before the first lecture, and I realised that one of the theory & method books seems instrumental in understanding the essays in the other class.

And I'm rambling again, which is what I usually do, so everything's back to normal. I'll keep you posted.

Promise.

Another project update

2010-04-06T03:43:00.000-07:00

Working on the face now.
...Caravaggio really knew what he was doing. Me - not so much I'm afraid. I thought the face would be the worst thing to do and it IS difficult but the instruments and the music book will be the real challenge I think. Especially the violin, with it's hopeless perspective.

Progress

2010-03-30T10:11:00.001-07:00

This is how the lute player looks today, although very yellow because once again I didn't use the flash when I took the photo (I tried using flash and the colours looked authentic but too much light reflected in the varnish...), but I tried adjusting the colours in photoshop and it's the best I could do.

A little experiment

2010-03-29T09:42:00.001-07:00

Since Easter is coming up and I don't have any lectures for two weeks, I have more time to spend on painting and art in general. A few days ago suddenly remembered how two different teachers at the two art schools I went to both reminded me of the education value of copying the old masters (or a painting I specifically liked) - Not for display but for the challenge of it and for practicing basic technique. At the time I was given this advice I was hesitant and more enthusiastic about finding my own style and doing my own work. I don't know why I suddenly came to think of it now - possibly because of the recent lectures on Italian renaissance art that really remind me why I love art history so much - but I decided that since I have the time for such a project now, I will take the opportunity to complete the experiment.

I've chosen Caravaggio's Lute player, which seemed suitable because a) I LOVE Caravaggio, and b) It's not a religious motive that I'd feel uncomfortable "tampering" with. This is what it looks like after today:

(I took the photo with the flash off so the colours look a little strange, even after Photoshopping.) Since I paint with acrylics and not oil, although with a few paint mediums added, I can't make it look like an oil painting - It looks more like a coloured pencil drawing at this stage. We'll see how it turns out - I will of course keep you posted about the progress.

Now for the boring info - another facebook album. I hadn't planned on creating a new one but I clicked a little too fast in the iPhoto export tool and it created a new album without my knowing it. Here's the link:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=381914&id=838195173&l=41f3eb5f68

I'm going to add a few new paintings to the web site later and also update the links page which has been stating "coming soon" since forever. Procrastinating seems to be my real talent..

My (new) life as an art history student

2010-01-24T05:04:00.000-08:00

It just occurred to me that life as an art HISTORY student is very different from life as an ART student. It involves, of course, a little less freedom, but that's not all negative.. I think the main difference is the reading that's involved.

True, I used to read a lot in between painting the past few years, but this time it's less fiction and I have to make sense of everything I read even when it's in another language and written 60 years ago. The fun part is that I got so many books I had to move them into another bookcase (although "another" may not be the correct word seeing as I didn't have a bookcase in the first place, just a cupboard where I stacked them on top of each other).

So this is what it looks like now - already the lower shelf looks like it could break any minute.

Speaking of books, I suppose I didn't make it easier for myself by choosing literature as a second subject - I now have to read at least one book each week (in addition to numerous chapters of art history) plus a number of short texts and poems. I don't find it difficult to complete the books as such, but when I have to analyze and talk about what I've read in detail it's not always that easy.

That said, it's only been a few weeks so hopefully it will get better soon.

I also updated the web site today - just a side note; the painting I added a week or so ago may be replaced with a better photo documentation later. I noticed that with my cheap camera, documentation works best when I take the photos outside in daylight and it's been snowing lately so that makes it more difficult.

today's recommendation

2009-12-22T05:42:00.001-08:00

I subscribe to a lot of art podcasts. A lot of the time the downloads seem to be piling up and I don't find the time to watch them all, but since Christmas is coming up, I have all the presents ready and consequently more free time, I decided to take today to catch up.

It was well worth it.

Among other things I came across a gem via the einfallsreich.tv podcast:

You Fade To Light, rAndom International for Philips Lumiblade from rAndom International on Vimeo.

More info about the project can be found here.

While I'm at it I can also recommend vernissage.tv and KQED Gallery Crawl.

Enjoy!

web site down

2009-11-03T03:03:00.000-08:00

Just a few minutes ago a friend pointed out to me that my web site seemed to consist of "theatre stuff" and that I must have had the wrong link in my facebook profile. However it seems the domain has expired, due to the trivial fact that the web hotel company e-mails the payment notifications to an old e-mail address that I don't use anymore, and consequently I failed to pay before the expire date.

However it may have been a blessing in disguise. For the last year and a half I've been slightly embarrassed about the title of the domain and web site, because it is an old forum username that a few years ago became a part of my online identity. At this stage however I don't feel the need to "hide" behind a username to the extent that I used to, and so I would like to buy a new domain, with my own name, as soon as possible. My goal is by the end of the month so I'll take it from there.

Thanks to all of you who visited my web site and supported me, hope you will continue to visit the new web site once it's up and running!

Where to start.....

2009-07-22T05:43:00.000-07:00

I suppose not that much time has passed since my last blog post (at least less than usual) but a lot has certainly happened.

To start with the bad news - I didn't get into the Academy. Which wasn't that much of a surprise, but it did still make an impact on my confidence; more than I was willing to admit at first. For a few weeks I admit I couldn't look at or even think about art or anything associated with it without feeling depressed. I'm feeling a bit better now, much thanks to the reorganization of my working place at home, and certain positive twitter comments (you know who you are).

Besides that, the positive news is that I have been accepted into the art history bachelor program at the University of Oslo. I am so relieved and so happy to be focusing on something art related and still getting a "proper" education. Studies start just three weeks from now, it's very exciting and a little intimidating, which I'm sure is just how it's supposed to be.

I will keep painting on the side and keep displaying my work on the web site, however the updates may be infrequent... or that is to say even more infrequent than it already is..

To finish off a post about so many different things I thought I'd post a link to a work by an artist I discovered recently and really like:

What would Simon Cowell say?

2009-05-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

First of all, sorry I haven't written in a while.. for a long time I felt I didn't have much to write about, but now I have a very good reason - I made it through to the interview at Oslo Academy of Art. I'm one of 62 out of 405, which I can't grasp no matter how many times I say it or write it. As much as I'm flattered, grateful, happy and excited about it I'm also getting increasingly nervous.

Ok. I'm absolutely terrified.

I'm supposed to meet in the auditorium with the other lucky candidates for a quick briefing, then I'll get assigned to a room where I'll be working on 1 or 2 given assignments. At some point during the week there is the dreaded interview, which supposedly lasts 20 minutes.

I've never been through this before, it's my 4th year applying and I've never got this far. I feel like in a way I'm given false hope, cause I can't bring myself to hope that I'll be one of the 25 or so left after the elimination process. More than anything I'm scared (and rightly so) that my nerves will get the better of me and I'll mess it up, and if I don't get accepted it will be 100% my own fault.

So now I'm trying to prepare myself. I don't really know what to expect. I'm supposed to study up on artists, see exhibitions, prepare questions, google the members of the jury and what have you. Only I'm not supposed to come across as someone who's spent the last month studying up on artists and seeing exhibitions and basically being a walking art encyclopedia. Keeping that balance seems difficult. Should I seem confident or not??

If I were to think about the dreaded interview all the time I'd be going crazy. But like in all things with me I brace myself by preparing for the worst... I've already spent several hours writing down every thinkable question the jury could ask me, followed by my answers. While imagining Simon Cowell sitting in front of me.

I've heard all kinds of rumours about what the interview is like, about how tricky the questions are - even rumours that jury members in the past have had a sharp tongue like Simon. Which is certainly an interesting thought. What if I were to explain my love for a certain artist or a certain work and I'm met by comments like "that was indulgent nonsense" or "I don't like what you're wearing"?

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

It's the most wonderful time of the year........

2009-02-21T04:14:00.000-08:00

Spring is just around the corner (though it's hard to believe because of the weather) and that means... application time. Never too early to start working on it.
So I signed up for an "application writing course" at school. I hope it's going to pay off but for now I'm just scared to death.

I've sent applications to the art academies for three years now without even getting through to the interview, but each year I convince myself I have a better chance than the year before. This year I have actually been told I might have a chance and that scares me even more.

But the thing that scares me the most is the text that has to be sent in with the application - apparently it's extremely important and has to be perfect in order to get you through to the interview. So in addition to tearing my hair out because the photos of my work turn out awful, and I'm stuck without any new ideas, I have to dig deep into myself and define what my work is all about and put it into big fancy words - though not too big and not too fancy, just big and fancy enough to make me seem interesting but not pretentious.

To sum it all up - I'm working on my applications, I'm scared to death, stressed out... and in need of a miracle.

Just a note

2008-11-14T12:48:00.000-08:00

I now have a photo album on facebook dedicated to pictures of unfinished work, stuff I'm currently working on etc - before the finished work ends up on the web site.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=170274&l=7e579&id=838195173

Enjoy!

Positive news

2008-10-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Lo and behold, for the first time in the history of this blog I won't complain or whine about things...

A few days ago I finally managed to build up enough confidence to volunteer to exhibit my work at a gallery connected to the school. I only have three paintings (well, make that two, I'm still working on the third) so I'll have to be joined by several others. I don't know how many have volunteered yet but I hope it'll all work out. If nothing comes out of it at least I'll know I dared to volunteer in the first place.

I finished a painting yesterday that I hope to include in the exhibition and I will add it to the website by the end of the week hopefully.

It had to happen at some point...

2008-08-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

...I had an idea. I worked on it for nearly two months: I struggled, I lost track of what I was doing, I found my way again, struggled some more and eventually it all plummeted.

Some ideas are obviously not meant to be.

You don't need to be a brain surgeon to figure that out, to know that you won't succeed in every little thing in life, but still - when I realised that what I had been working on for the past few months was never going to result in anything, I was very disappointed.

Ok, I was depressed, I'll admit that. I felt like I'd practically wasted my time and that nothing I ever did would turn out well.

But a few days ago I actually had several new ideas, started sketching right away and I'll start working on this new project this week. I'm actually very positive about this, which surprised me cause I'm the self-proclaimed queen of negativity (if you don't believe me, read my oldest blog posts.....) I really thought that the failed project would have a bigger impact on me. Let's see how long I can keep this positivity up..

By the way, I'm working on updating my web site too, only I had to rebuild it in Dreamweaver (which I've never used before) so it's a little harder than expected. But I'm almost finished so watch out for it in the coming weeks!

Update!

2008-07-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

It's been almost 2 months since my last post so I guess I owe you an update. I already mentioned I wasn't accepted into the Academy (boohoo) but I was accepted into another art school (yay) that's pretty much at the same level as the one I used to go to but with a whole different system and teaching methods. So I'm officially going back to being an art student!

In the last week of June and first week of July I was in Florence, Italy and it was just great. Not only is there art all around you; famous paintings inside the churches, great architecture, and of course the Uffizi (which was overbooked though so we didn't get to go), but we also saw some exhibitions of more modern, contemporary art. One of the last days of the trip we went to Siena and in the middle of the busy, tourist-crowded street there was a tiny gallery and one of the artists in particular appealed to me: Her name is Antonella Cinelli, and her paintings are very inspired by photos - both in terms of composition and technique - and the motives of her paintings for that exhibition were focused around femininity: Shoes, underwear, make-up, and portraits of women (possibly herself?) doing everyday activities such as putting on socks or pulling up her pantyhose. I guess you have to see it yourself to understand why it's interesting. The series/exhibition was called "Femminile, singolare...concreto".

The trip to Italy also inspired me to take my own photos as a source of inspiration to my paintings, instead of using film stills. After I made that decision I started taking a lot of photos of the streets, the people around me, people talking to each other, people waiting for the bus, or just wainting in general.

I've been home for a few weeks now so I've started on some paintings with some of those photos in mind.

I suppose I should have taken one picture of each of them but truth is I'm a little scared right now cause it feels like I have no idea what I'm doing.. and my self confidence is still not back to normal after the application refusals so I don't think I can take much criticism. I'm trying to find a liberating side to not knowing what I'm doing though...turning it into a good thing.

For the past year I've been worrying on and off about losing my technique and ability to draw and paint people (I miss 'croquis' sessions!!).. one of the things I've always struggled with is to draw and paint hands, whenever I try it looks like a big fleshy thing with sausages randomly attached to it. So I invested in this:

It's supposed to make it easier to draw hands. It works to a certain extent; the thumb can't be moved further from the hand than what is seen in the photo, and the fingers are too long. But it's fun, I've filled half a sketching pad with hand drawings already. I've named "him" Han(d)ibal. (it may seem obsessive to name ones art tools but we have a history for it in my family. It started when my sister got a similar wooden doll to draw and we all thought it looked like the Academy Award statue so it was named Oscar.)

That's about all at the moment, will add the two latest paintings (those I did before the ones I'm working on now) to the web site shortly.

...."Untitled"

2008-05-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

(It sounds very posh considering it's just a roundabout way of saying you can't think of a title..)

Fact is I haven't been very active in terms of art lately. After having received three letters of refusal from art academies in just as many days, I sank into that famous deep black hole for a few days. I thought about giving up - there's nothing as nerve-wrecking as putting your life on hold like this and not even knowing whether it will ever be worth it or if you're just wasting precious years of your life. So my self confidence is currently just starting to emerge from a mud-pool of self pity, and there's no telling if it'll go right down again tomorrow.. so I'm clinging to the idea that I'll make it somehow and someday, it'll just be another year or so. It's not easy.

Because of that I haven't been very productive, but yesterday I tried to make an effort to start painting again and came up with this:

What was I thinking? I'm just coming out of a creative drought (or depression) and so I try to paint two paintings at once. Integrated into each other... I have no idea how this will turn out but I have to say I'd be sad if I work long and hard on this project and it ends in disaster - A painting that's been overdone and with too many layers of paint, or in general something I'd be embarassed to associate my name with (That actually happens a lot).

I did finish a painting about a month ago that I'm sort of pleased with but haven't come round to uploading it to the web site yet - just give me a few days!

Not AGAIN...!

2008-03-30T03:25:00.000-07:00

It seems I can't use GoLive to update my web site anymore.. The alternative is Dreamweaver and I have no idea how it works. (I tried and suddenly it had made a Dreamweaver site folder of all my web sites into one...) So I'm very embarassed to say, sorry for not updating the web site in a while, AGAIN. I get the feeling I say that a lot. I have applications for two more schools to finish and I'll try to figure out what to do with the web site(s) after that.

That said, I started a new painting yesterday, it's going to be part of a series of two paintings so it doesn't look very impressive on its own:

It was a good opportunity to test my new digital camera though. I was never really happy with the old one, especially when I was going to take photos of my works for documentation, so it was a nice change. It has a so-called "intelligent" flash, which I think is great.

I just realised that the person in the painting looks a lot like my sister, even though it's not. Strange.

Why is it that....

2008-03-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

...a painting always looks like CRAP when you first start working on it??

I was always told that the process is just as valuable as the result, but it's very tempting to skip right to the result when you think you've done a day's decent work and realize you've merely created something that looks like a kindergarten project. Maybe that's why it's so hard to "admit" that this is what my new painting looks like. I did have a great time taking the newest addition to my paint brush collection for a test ride though. (as shown to the right) It's a real beaut and probable the most expensive paint brush I've ever owned.

By the way, as you've probably noticed, my web site is now up again. Feel free to leave comments and write in the guestbook; I'm thankful for any feedback.

A nearly finished self portrait

2008-02-12T05:38:00.001-08:00

Just needs a few adjustments.

It's gonna feel so good to not see a copy of my own face staring back at me first thing in the morning!

It's that time of the year again! (yikes)

2008-01-25T04:33:00.000-08:00

I guess you thought I'd disappeared for good; I haven't posted for almost a year. I'll try to make more of an effort from now on though. I've been busy painting and trying to build up a portfolio in time for the application season, which is only about a month away. It sounds easy, doesn't it.

It's not, trust me. I can be working on a painting for weeks until it's nearly finished, "it just needs a liiiittle more..." and then I end up doing something horribly which seemed like a good idea at the time, but does in fact ruin the whole painting and I have to start all over again. It's something I have to get used to, I do recognize that, but it's getting harder to take since I'm not officially an art student anymore. Since I wasn't accepted to the Academy and there were too many applicants for the one year course in art history, I signed up for a one year course in religion studies instead.

It's been fascinating so far; a lot of the lectures include information that can be useful in a lot of situations and that also has a relation to art (ethics, philosophy, ancient Greece). The hard part is to juggle my studies with my painting - I feel like I must be 100% commited to both things. If i'm in a hyper-creative phase I tend to miss lectures, and I don't know if I should feel bad or accept that it's a necessary consequence.

Oh, and you've probably noticed that my web site has been taken down. Don't worry, it's only temporarily. I'm working on a new site with a more 'professional' approach which will hopefully give the site a bit more credibility.

Which brings me to another subject (I'm rambling). The decision of making a new web site was made partly by the response I got when I posted a link at a message board in which I'm an active member. It seems that people who have no experience in art (and may be more fascinated by art than actually interested in it) immediately favoured the one painting I was embarassed to have uploaded in the first place - the snow landscape with the descending sun. My sister, who has a genuine interest and also experience in art, asked me in earnest when she saw it was online, if I'd uploaded it as a joke. My mother compared it to an "etude" - something pleasing to the senses but lacking of depth and expression. The painting is too much of a cliché to be taken seriously - yet it's what 'the people' love.

My question is: Is the definition of being a talented artist to make things look exactly as in reality? That you can draw or paint any person, on command, and make it look exactly like the original? When I was younger, about 11 or 12, I was frequently told I should become and artist, based on my ability to draw a reasonable likeness of Nick Carter from a picture. It gave me a sort of status until I started studying graphic design and was told that my drawing abilites would be of less use - The emphasis was on the creative prosess; inventiveness, the ability to let go of the boundaries in one's head. When I started studying art for real, there was of course a great focus on learning the technique; anatomy, colours, mediums, but gradually we were also taught the importance of using art as a tool of expression. Dare to be curious, raise questions, discover unexpected things in the routines of everyday life. I've embraced this philosophy and try my best to live by it - to always work with that theory in mind.

What then if I create a series of paintings that really express my thoughts and feelings on a certain subject, but don't fit into "the man in the street's" perception of what good art should be? Will people have to be educated art critics in order to find any meaning or beauty in my works; is the ordinary man's perception of beauty a certain formula that can't be changed?

Maybe it boils down to the fact that we're afraid of things we don't understand. If a painting doesn't meet our expectations in terms of what good art should be - obviously something that involves shapes and colours that can easily be interpreted by our eyes and thus gives us some kind of meaning - we don't understand it and it is "not good".

I begin to realize I could go on and on about this but I'll spare you for that. Feel free to carry on the debate by commenting.

In closing, and completely off topic, I recommend iTunes/iPod users to subscribe to Tate's Podcast series "TateShots". It's brilliant and includes interviews with artists, special news stories and exhibition previews.

annoyed...

2007-03-02T10:03:00.000-08:00

I've been sick with a cold for over a week now and have barely had energy to think about, let alone work on anything art related. I still have application forms to complete, that is to say the application for the Art Academy in Oslo, and it scares the living daylight out of me. It's like being on Idol. You send in documentation of your work and after they've reviewed the applications they choose a 2-digit number of lucky people who have to come to Oslo for a week and work with a given art project. All the while they will walk around and observe your working methods and there is also an interview in front of a "jury". Then they eliminate people again and are left with 25 lucky applicants who will be accepted into the school.

In a way it all seems too...big. It seems just too far out there to think that I will ever get to the 2nd round of the process. But at this point in my education I have no choice but to apply for such prestigious schools, if I want to continue doing this...

wish me luck everyone..:)

"Room for squares"...

2007-02-11T02:38:00.000-08:00

I'm currently working on two projects simultaneously, both in the photo-realistic technique. (Heck I don't even know the English term for it, but it'll do). It sounds rediculously simple; you take a photo, divide it into squares and copy it onto a surface as large as possible. When seen from a distance, the result will look more or less like a photo. But the process of painting it is not as straight forward!

First of all, after 6 hours of painting your back is aching and your eyes sting from concentrating too much, and you look up and discover that you've managed to fill 7 squares out of 100. (Some teachers have told me that in order to achieve the right effect you have to paint each square separately - so that you're able to distance yourself from the motive and not get too caught up in the details) I experienced that first hand this week as I clearly was a little over-ambitious and convinced myself I'd have it finished by Friday. Nope. By Friday afternoon the painting was nearly half finished and I felt like I'd been thrown off a horse.

Second of all, there are so many decisions to make - dry brush, wet brush? Retarder or no retarder? round brush, flat brush, thick or thin brush? I'm still inexperienced so I get a little freaked out by all these decisions but I guess that later on it will be a little easier.

But the joy of this technique is to see each square fit together and reveal the motive little by little. It's a lot like doing a jigsaw puzzle, only you can't unscramble it and put it in a box when it's finished, thank God.

I'm looking forward to finishing the painting at home, and I'm also very excited about the other project, which I won't reveal just yet cause it's still in the early stages.. in the meantime I'll go listen to John Mayer who. without knowing it, gave me the title to this post. :)

Sunday, Sunday people...

2007-01-28T04:31:00.000-08:00

If Sunday People are the kind of people that love Sundays and get up bright and early to fill the day with constructive and creative activities, I'm not one of them. Unfortunately. Sunday is the day where I have most free time and during the week I have this over-enthusiastic idea that whatever needs to be done, I can do it on Sunday cause "I'll have time".

This happens every week cause, needless to say, nothing actually gets done on Sundays.

At the moment I'm very frustrated about my school project, which I received some not-all-too-positive feedback on - constructive criticism of course but I'm just not sure what to make of it. I have no idea how to turn my project around, and though it's (according to all the teachers) necessary to be frustrated and not know what to do, it doesn't feel good to be standing right in the middle of it!

To add at least SOME positive news to the post; I recently finished another religious painting and my mother is unofficially hired to try and find potential buyers for it, as she is in the Church choir. Wish me luck!!

Here we go again...

2007-01-12T08:57:00.000-08:00

Since I discovered the world of blogging I've created and posted in several blogs.. This one will be mainly about art and other creative stuff, much like the web site.

I'm embarassed to say that the first post in this new blog will be a vent post.. but I guess it's bound to happen a lot cause there are soo many frustrations and unforeseen obstacles in the process of painting. Our current school project is about simplifying a chosen motive to create a more abstract painting - sounds simple but I can assure you it's not! There is a lot of fun involved cause I like to express myself through the brush strokes and go a little crazy, but working that way means I spend a lot of time thinking and let the idea evolve until I eventually let it explode unto the canvas - then I paint for about 15 minutes without thinking at all and after that my head is kind of empty. The drawback about this method is that at school I'm supposed to work slowly and steadily at the same painting from 9 am to 3 pm every day, in this case for 8 days. That makes me unbelieveably restless and fidgety which is embarassing cause I don't want people to think that I'm lazy or that I don't WANT to work.

In think I'm frustrated about it cause when we're doing a nude study or a still life it's easy to work for longer periods at a time cause you know beforehand what you're going to do -transfer something standing in front of you, to the canvas and make it look as real as possible. With abstract and/or expressive painting you have NO clue what to do and you have to make it up as you go. That's where the problem lies with me I think. One of my favourite teachers once said to me that if you know beforehand exactly what you're gonna paint, then there's no point in it -the journey is the destination. I guess I have to trust that.